I recently went to a seminar on how to get unstuck when I am stuck in my circumstance. I learned that I get stuck when I get "hooked" by an emotion. Once hooked my emotional brain takes over and I go into a Fight/Fright or Flight state and I act out of my wounded and adapted states.
This is what that looks like for me. My husband recently shared some news with me about something that would affect my life. I immediately felt anger and hurt. The old story that plays out for me is one of rejection and dismissal. Fear that my needs won't be met. My Flight/Fright state takes over and I act and think from my wounded and adapted state ("It's over ... this is it... divorce is the only answer") and I shut down emotionally. When I act out of my wounded state I don't make healthy decisions and my options are narrowed down. Usually things become black and white, right or wrong.
So what does getting unstuck look like? Ignoring the issue wasn't working because the problem remained even though I gave it a lot of time to resolve on it's own. I also knew that if buried this would come back and most likely not at a time I chose. I spent an enormous amount of energy thinking about it and it took a massive amount of energy trying to focus on my normal routines and not my circumstance. I knew from my recovery that leaning into my emotions, and staying in my adult self to confront and face what I wanted to run from was what I needed to do. How my husband responds is out of my control but I do get to make more choices based on how he responds.
Recovery isn't always about getting your desired results in the end. It's about continuing to move toward your adult self, being authentic and having integrity. Brene Brown states, "Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It's choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy. It's choosing to practice your values rather than simply professing them."